So (which is how most San Franciscans start their sentences including Nigel now) we had a little car trouble on the way to Vegas. We were still over 90 miles away when the car started to lose power and I had to pull over. The shoulder was narrow and the slow lane next to us carried massive road trains / semi trailers along missing us by about 10 cm!

We had to get towed to Baker, the nearest town (inthe middle of fracking nowhere!) – which is really pretty much just a garage, and a couple of fast food outlets. We spent around 4 hours in 117 F (47 C) heat, waiting for the rip-off mechanic to tell us that it was going to take around 5 days for the part to arrive.

Luckily there was a guy who’d been there since 9am. His car was finally fixed and he drove us the rest of the way to Vegas!!!

16 hours after we left we finally made it!! The trip should have been half that!!

This competition was hilarious! Most of the Elvis tribute artists (Apparently calling them impersonators is a big no no), portrayed the old fat jumpsuit Elvis.

This guy decided to employ the help of his special “little Elvis”. Not sure that it helped him much though. The crowd were too busy watching little Elvis (or moose knuckle as one of the judges put it) to really pay any attention to his performance. See the video here

 And for those of you who missed it, you could see his penis the whole time!

We started playing “I went to the store and I bought…” while driving to Memphis. We saw a sign for an Adult Supercentre (pic here) which inpired a game of “I went to the (adult) shop and I bought” we were already a bit into it but it it sort of works if you keep the adult part in mind. Things we bought were:

• Artwork
• Burt Reynolds merkin
• A cock carriage
• A dingo
• Elle McPherson’s underwear
• Fried green tomatoes
• A gibson guitar
• A Harley Davidson
• Indigo Girls CD
• A jack rabbit
• knickerbockers
• Lollypop
• Mucho man
• Nelly Furtado
• Over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder
• Perriwinkle pussy cat
• A queen
• A rocking swing
• Sexy Stilettos
• Turnip-shaped titty tassells
• Underwear you can eat
• Vaginal Veneers
• A Whipping boy
• An x-rated video
• Yummy tummy
• Zebra flavoured condoms

..and you get a good deal on a suite at the Marriott:

Jump on the beds and trash the place!

In Savannah with Jason (who I met at the at the “awesome” NotSo Hostel in Charleston). Ruley noice place.

This was at a wicked blues bar we went to last night. He wasn’t happy with the picture so wanted Brad Pitt’s face… ummm…. so here it is.  The girl in the middle is Bonnie the bar bitch 😀

This is a photo of a bite I got from the HI Hostel in DC.

They cost a lot more than the other hostel I was staying at and I only stayed there because there weren’t any beds at the other Hostel (DC Lofty- Really lovely Hostel).

Stayed in a (typical) HI hostel with old men and no atmosphere. They offered to pay for some ointment and laundry but I managed to get my money back.

When you call the hostel, you get this automated response that tells you you’ve called the best hostel in Washington DC and that it’s unbeatable value. What a load of cods wallop!

Ok so I have’t been writing much- I will soon though! I’ve now updated the image galleries. Images now appear in a lightbox, have previous and next buttons and the original image now opens in a new window. Not very interesting I know but hey, it’s progress.

They say the US is really a lot of little sub countries all joined together, each with it’s own customs, habits and beliefs.

So far this is abundantly true. Yesterday I bussed it to Virginia Beach VA. I thought it may be a relatively small beach town with some of that Southern charm people keep going on and on about, mixed with people on summer vacation.

In actual fact, it’s as if all the worst parts of americana have slidden down to this cesspool to form a melting pot of the grotesque!

It’s a little like Pathong Beach in Thailand, but without all the interesting things and full of all that is bland and stereotypical about this country- the fat, the really fat, the leathery skinned beach bums, the hicks, more hicks. You see so many homeless people, but then you realise that they are just poor locals who had the misfortune to be born here.

The most interesting thing is that there appears to be quite a few europeans here! Why?! I am at a loss!

Thankfully Yumamino is back online after a lot of time dealing with a hosting company which is basically inept and backward.

Anyway onward we go and hopefully a change of host soon may resolve any further issues.

I don’t really want to spend any more time bitching (enough time has already been wasted on this shit) but I did find this site during my sites downtime.

http://bluehostsucks.com/

I know it’s been forever since I last wrote anything but I thought I may have some more exciting stuff now that I’m off travelling again!

Leaving for New York tomoz and a little bit shit scared since the my only brushes with NYC have come in the form of low brow cop shows and movies where everyone is killed, raped etc. Hopefully this isn’t the case and all will be well.

Off to get some last London sun. 😀